Avoidance: How its reinforcing your anxiety and WHat you can do instead
It likely started out completely innocent. You might have felt nervous about having a difficult conversation with a friend, or worried about logging into your school’s online platform to check your grade on a test. Your heart raced, your palms sweated, and your mind ran through every scenario. What your friend might say back, or what you needed to get on the test to pass the class?
Over time, it became too overwhelming to face, so you decided to avoid these situations entirely. You stopped replying to your friend’s messages and never logged in to check your grade. At first, this felt like sweet relief as your anxiety subsided. However, what you may not realize is that this is one of the worst things you can do for your anxiety. Avoidance prevents individuals from experiencing discomfort, which maintains fear responses and strengthens anxious patterns over time (LeDoux & Pine, 2020; Vervliet & Indekeu, 2015). It’s hard to learn that you can tolerate fear and anxiety if you never give yourself the opportunity to face those situations and practice coping effectively.
Here’s what you can do instead:
1. Practice Opposite Action
The first step is to determine whether your fear fits the facts of the situation. If your life, health, or the well-being of someone else is truly in danger, this is not the time to practice opposite action (Linehan, 2015).
If the situation is safe, acknowledge your anxious feelings and intentionally do the opposite of what your urge to avoid is telling you. For example, instead of running away from checking your grade, gently move toward it. Instead of avoiding a tough conversation, prepare to have it. Approaching what scares you in manageable steps can help retrain your brain’s fear-avoidance cycle (LeDoux & Pine, 2020; Hofmann & Hay, 2018).
2. Create a “Cope Ahead” Plan
For stressful situations, creating a Cope Ahead Plan can help you anticipate challenges and problem-solve ahead of time (Linehan, 2015). Start by writing out a detailed description of the situation, along with the thoughts and feelings you expect to experience. Next, plan how you will cope with the situation. This might include writing out an assertiveness script for a conversation with a friend. Preparing in advance gives you a sense of control and reduces the likelihood of avoidance (Jacobson & Newman, 2014).
3. Consider Your Values and Priorities
Anxiety often arises from avoiding actions that align with the life you want to live. Taking meaningful action, even in the presence of fear, is essential to building a life worth living (Linehan, 2015; LeDoux & Pine, 2020). For example, if connection is a core value, avoiding conversations with friends because you fear conflict will leave you feeling dissatisfied. Everyone’s “life worth living” looks different, and only you can decide what yours should be. Aligning your actions with your value, rather than your fears helps break the cycle of avoidance (Hofmann & Hay, 2018).
Avoidance may provide short-term relief, but it strengthens anxiety in the long term (LeDoux & Pine, 2020; Vervliet & Indekeu, 2015). By practicing opposite action, planning ahead, and living according to your values, you can gradually reduce avoidance and build confidence in your ability to manage anxiety.
Disclaimer
The content on this website, including all blog posts, articles, and resources, is provided for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment.